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True, what I did was horrible, I had shoplifted; but that did not give that big son-of-a-bitch permission to fuck me. He had raped me; there was no other way to describe it. I was carrying so much real evidence in my body. I should go straight to the police right now. I would get him in so much trouble with the law. I was only eighteen and he was at least fifty. That was rape for sure. That would be real jail time, the end to his job and the end of his chances to do this again. Anger just seethed through me.But, as I drove further I calmed a bit and began to think it all through. It was much more complicated. My reporting this would simply make me look like a girl with “morning after” regret. He had given me the option. He would have called the police if I hadn’t begged and begged and finally, in a way, given him permission to fuck me. True, his calling the police could be view as a threat, but I know he really would have done it. At any rate I had nodded and spread my legs for him.. Knowing she's not always a follower of the rules helped me take thechance on telling her.I waited until her "brawn" had gone into the city, and then contactedher.As always, she was singing."I like that song," I said."Thanks, Harry. What's up?"'i ... got a problem. I don't know if anybody can help, but maybe itwould do me good to talk about it." What's wrong?" Me. I'm wrong." What do you mean?" Shell people are not supposed to think about their physical bodies." That's right." But I have been." But ... why?"I sighed."It's hard to explain. But I think that in some fundamental part of me,I'm a girl. But I can never be seen as one."For a while afterward, there was silence.Then Helva said, "When I first decided I wanted to sing, someone mighthave told me it was impossible. Yet I found a way. Can you find a way tobe seen as a girl? What makes me a girl that you can't do?"Her saying that cut through my pity-party and got me thinking like ashell-person again."I ... could just ask them to call.
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